That Happened!

New York - Speaking of bad auditions, San Francisco did not make a good show of it last night. They didn’t even make an OK show of it. San Fran was almost entirely abysmal.

Unlike most people who salivate for Idol’s audition shows, I can’t stand them. I don’t find the bad auditions funny, at all. It’s what I call my hide-behind-a-pillow viewing. Similar to a creepy scene in a cheesy slasher flick, I use a couch cushion to cover my face, mute my television, and ask Hubby to tell me when the scary things on my television have disappeared. When he gives me the OK, the pillow drops back to my lap and my viewing happily continues.

And it’s like the reality-show audition-stage gods knew it and punished me for it.

Before it began, I was excited that it was whittled down to a mere hour, and producers choosing footage from seven of the 12 (that’s it… I know!) successful auditions coming out of Bay City. But if and of the 12 who made it even close to the final stages, I might officially cut all ties with Idol.

Because San Francisco was useless. Notable past Bay City auditioners include Katharine McPhee and William Hung. Interpret that however you want.

I mean, how much of a victory is it to be the best of the worst? Tatiana, the arrogant Puerto Rican with the Janice-from-Friends-like laugh, claimed she could sing, model and act, and her psychic friend predicted she would make the Top 12. Um, please, no.

But Tat, if it’s any consolation, you deserved your Golden Ticket more than Jesús, who played the family man/kids card to a hilt. Ooooh, you can make babies, good on you. But even his horrific vibrato didn’t stop him from getting yeses from Randy, Paula and Kara after Jesús schlepped his two sons into the room, which was all those three needed to send this guy to Hollywood. Yeah, way to use your kids. Don’t humiliate them too much in Hollywood, though.

The only auditioners who earned their screen time were the theatrical yet sweet-sounding Adam; and Kai, who didn’t exactly have the greatest stage presence, but managed to get a ticket to Hollywood. Kai once had a fairly normal life, but it has now changed drastically because he takes care of his very-ill mother. Well, at least he could hold a note.

The Idol auditions continue tonight from Louisville at 8 p.m. on Fox.